Home > humor, general nuttiness > The Art of Writing

The Art of Writing

Someone once asked how I approach writing.  “My first step,” I then said, “is to panic.”  And I stick by it. 

I finally have come up with the other steps for prose, music, recipes or whatever, so I’d like to answer that guy now, wherever he is.

Step 1:  Pick a crazy topic that makes you smile.  Then treat yourself to a shopping expedition just for thinking of it.  Peruse the store justifying every potential purchase, especially the tea ceremony outfit you want to buy if you ever are invited for tea with the Emperor of Japan. 

Step 2:  Come home and turn on the Internet and browse sites like TMZ to see “Who’s all Grown Up” and see how many celebrities’ names your can guess.  Reward yourself with something to eat.

Step 3:  Go to your blog site to see how many hits you’ve had.  Contact the site administrators by separate email to complain about today’s spammers. 

Step 4:  Try on the tea ceremony outfit.

Step 5:  Go out for a brief jaunt.  If you have the dogs, all the better because they might need it.  Engage in small talk with people on your way out.  Ask them about foods from their country of origin, if need be.    

Step 6:  Come home and be amazed at how much time has gone by.  Sort clothes and do the dishes.  Write that piece.

Step 7:  With fingers flying over the keyboard, marvel at your brilliance.  Reread it and wonder if you shouldn’t chuck it all and go off on a retreat. 

Step 8:  Edit the fifty words you have before adding fifty more.  Edit that. 

Step 9:  Post it somewhere and change “the” for “a” at regular intervals.

Step 10:  Email your work to everyone you know and try on another outfit.

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