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Finders, Keepers


He said he was looking for someone who’s more organized than he is.  It was a definite strikeout because my disorganization has reached a new wave.

After some research, I’ve learned that organizational skills come from the same place that administrative skills do, on the 22nd chromosome.  In my case, that chromosome either shriveled up because of too much sun or I got a small dose to begin with.  It may also explain, for example, why I never kept an administrative-type job for more than six months. 

It wasn’t so much that I typed with only two fingers and a thumb, (chromosome 42.3).  It was my accuracy and proofreading skills that killed it. 

One of my first jobs after graduating from college was at a fish brokerage firm that sold fish and lobsters to restaurants.  My job was 1., to look presentable everyday, 2., to sit in a little booth, route phone calls and 3., to type orders and how they were to be paid for, either by pick up or by COD. 

One day after typing and proofreading the order form, I noticed the office busybody going from desk to desk with a piece of paper while everyone laughed and tittered.  I soon found out why.  Instead of typing “pick up” on a form, I’d typed “dick up” and handed it in because proofreading (chromosome 46) never was my bag.  I should have given myself a gold watch for reaching the six-month mark at that place.       

And this is related to being organized, too because the best administrative assistants have desks that would pass an army inspection any time of day.  While I’ve always lost things here and there, due to some mutant chromosomes, lately, it’s been getting worse.  In no particular order, here’s a partial list.  I would share the complete one except I don’t know where it is. 

Checks for Deposit.  This is probably my worst one because some people got mad at me, while others talked to me like I was lame.  I think I put it in the checks in the same bag as some old newspapers and drove everything to the pound for my monthly Newspaper Charity Giving event.  It almost happened with a tax return as well, though I retrieved it in time.  Looking at the silver lining in all this, the minute I get anything, off to the bank it goes.   

Soy Sauce.  How a 4 oz. bottle of soy sauce can separate itself from the other groceries and disappear is beyond me, but it happened. 

Necklaces. Unfortunately, they weren’t the cheap nickel variety, either, but the real thing from a goldmine somewhere; but now they have upped and disappeared along with some of the nickel ones. 

Chargers for Bluetooths.  Through a mysterious circumstance, all the ones in my tool basket are the same.  Maybe I should sell them on Ebay.

Yoga Stretch Pants.  Lost then found them.  Now one has gone AWOL.  Maybe it’s in the great yoga retreat in the sky because it certainly isn’t anywhere in my house. 

About the only things I haven’t lost are some solid oak bookcases and my computer.  Maybe I could google retreats and spas to find ways of peaceably living with some mutant chromosomes.

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