The Blessings of the Irresponsible
Sometimes it pays to be irresponsible. Not when it comes to paying bills or for a refrigerator or anything. But in a healthy, American kind of way it can be a blessing because sometimes, the irresponsible get exempt from paying.
Allow me to elucidate through a tried but true tale from my life. I recently ordered some pet meds for my dogs. It was either that or risk the possibility of all of us getting fleas and scratching. I was out and about when the order arrived, so my beloved mail carrier brought it back to the post office where it sat longer than aged cheddar cheese. But when I went to pick it up, they’d already sent it back.
Understanding my role in things, I called Petmeds and explained my dilemma. Not only did they refund the amount, but they sent another order with a five-dollar deduction just because. It sort of made me wish I’d been irresponsible with them sooner.
On a grander scale, though, they sometimes hit pay dirt by getting everything short of a new cabin cruiser and a washer and dryer. Take an ectomorph who wanted me to work for him on commission before revealing that he wanted to hire a bankruptcy lawyer.
“What do you want a bankruptcy lawyer for?” I asked.
“Because I owe around one-hundred thousand dollars, and my credit rating is around 400,” he said. “My ex-wife filed for bankruptcy and started getting car loans and credit card offers after she did, so when you get the checks, just hand them over to me then I’ll pay you.”
‘Sure,’ I thought.
Growing up in Chicago, the city where there used to be a teamster on every block, I knew how this one was going to play out.
FADE IN: Night, alleyway with wobbly wooden table and an energy-sucking vampire of a single bulb.
ENTER well-dressed NEAR STOOGE with check in hand. Bankruptor grabs it with grubby hands.
NEAR STOOGE: Can you pay me now, kind sir?”
BANKRUPTOR: I’ll pay you later. I got to go see my G-man now.
NEAR STOOGE: But sir, I have flea prevention medication and food to buy.
BANKRUPTOR: (peeling off bills) Sorry, sweetheart. Go out and buy yourself some rhinestone dog collars and some rhinestone rings for yourself while you’re at it.
And the next thing I know, we are in Small Claims court where the Bankruptor wins because he is bankrupt.
So I dodged that bullet and declined that offer. Though he was last seen driving around town in a new Lexus.